Cinematic Messiah 1

My life has been defined by movies. In fact, my VERY first memory is of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and for those that know me, that explains so fucking much. All of the major moments in my life coincide with a film in some way. My virginity was murdered after Don’t Tell My Mom The Babysitter’s Dead bored me to half a shade of suicide and we saved the night by getting sweaty in the back of a limo. When my daughter was born, when I went to the restroom down the hall, Scent of a Woman was on the community TV. Etc..Etc…Etc….

I was born to be a film geek, so much so, if my own mother told me I was conceived in a dingy theater playing Star Wars and my father quoted Cool Hand Luke when he climaxed as the usher beat down a gaggle of idiots as he sang the theme from Easy Rider. When they were finished making the humble and Good Samaritan that is I, I like to think a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20, box of candy corn and baby wipes were in order. Thus, marking me like Cain after he slew his brother, a film geek. I bear The Scarlet Film Reel on the tip of my fleshy camcorder and I am proud.

Why be ashamed of, what in truth, is the pinnacle of pop culture? Without film, the trends and hot happenings going on today would not exist and Hot Topic would fade away like Marty McFly while he played his little, as of yet, herky jerky heart out so his parents would fall in love and give birth The Teen Wolf.

This is why it is such a huge deal when trailers are debuted at Cons. This is why magazines LOVE to get their hands on new photos from the set of the newest Hot Movie. And, like clockwork in a hooker’s home, the internet frenzy ensues and BOOM……You have the next slice of Americana. Kids will be quoting it at school and adults will talk about the movies they fell for back when they were young. It’s a Cinematic Cycle and before long, we, as film geeks, will finally get some sort of nod for being in the know since the ground up.

Fuck the meek. It’s the Geek shall inherent the Earth. And we will ride up on you at the red light dressed as Stormtroopers, driving a 1981 black Trans Am and pop caps in your ass. The streets will run Icey Red with the blood of the ones we deem unworthy of The Temple of Tarantino. They will be sacrificed on the front steps of the Bates Motel, hoping to appease the Gods of Google.

We all pay our tithing to the movie theaters and watch the sermon unfold in IMAX as we eat the bucket of buttery Body of George Lucas. Cinema is the New Religion, complete with Testaments and consequences. Decades ago James Dean was the first to be crucified in Technicolor and we have continued to do so since. Your role models aren’t up standing citizens, but the heroes in comics and the Christ figures displayed in IMAX. Neo bless you. In Skywalker we trust.

I am a film geek and therefore I am better than you.

I can quote indie movies at the drop of a hat and one day that will get me laid while you sit in your offices and wonder what time to golf and how much flex fuel you need in your Hybrid. Yes, it is harsh but so was The Civil War and soon, families will be divided between those that can quote Buffalo ’66 and those that can’t.

Every religion has a Messiah. Even Cinema.