I will stab you with a Spork if you mention my Man-Boobs,

Turn on any television at any given time and you will see, on some level, an image telling you that you aren't good enough or pretty enough and in the long run, you will have to settle for the bottom rung of life. Repeatedly, this message is shot at you like a laughing bullet, fired from a gun held by advertising companies and the celebrities they hire. Ever been to an Eyemasters and seen an average looking model wearing the glasses they sell? Is it that good looking people have shitty eyes? As an Everyday Person, am I superior in the visional department? Highly unlikely. More and more the Everyday Person is being hunted down like chubby pandas and soon we will all be in cages for the Elite Looking to gawk and remind thier pals that once upon a time, in a land such as this, people with fat rolls roamed the plains like bison, grazing from fast food joints and complaining about the heat.
Ladies and Gentlemen, we are becoming the fodder and punchline and I am taking a stand and saying "Fuck you Mr and Mrs Darque Tan! Yes, I am gonna supersize my meal and when I am done, take pride that you ate grass (which is, in reality food for cattle) and I have numerous levels of trans fat and sugar juggernauting through my clogged veins and making a home for themselves in my pasty white tummy."
Who wants to look like they stepped out of the Holocaust oven and instead of eating, decked themselves out in Hollister? Only in America is being chubby a sign for ridicule and disgust. Go ahead and tell a child in a third world he shouldn't eat carbs, but be sure to swat away the flies hovering on his eyeballs because they make a lot of noise and your Anti Carb Campaign is oh so important that he needs to listen.
Do I need to shed some weight? Yeppers. Am I getting mentaly ready to make myself endure the rigors of diet and excerise? Sure am. Do I stand in line at Shipley's and go back and forth between the chocolate doughnut and the coconut like I am deciding which child to leave behind in Sophie's Choice? Maybe, but we won't get into that.
In the Consitituion it reads "All Men are created equal." But George Washington never yearned to rock a set of skinny jeans with his powered wigs. Ben Franklin wasn't discovering electricity while doing crunches. Are people that shallow now that they have to snicker when they see a person they deem unattractive, possibly ruining that person's day? How about I walk over to your house and laugh as you have sex? Or fart in your salad at Denny's? Better idea, I am going to the gym you workout at and when you are running on the treadmill, knock the holy fuck out of you, right upseide your head and giggle with blubber's glee as you try to weep but can't since you completely dehydrated yourself in the steam room.
Until next time, have second helpings and kick the Skinny Bitch in her unused teeth.